Many people have been subjected to various forms of assaults at an early age, and many are not even aware that they are being assaulted. There is no gender difference in sexually abused children. But it is fear that discourages sexually assaulted children. They need the courage to tell someone what happened.
Image credit: Humans of Bombay
'Mat karo please.!' Doctor assaulted at the age of 5; 55 year-old kindergarten gardener called ‘Kaku’
Many people have been subjected to various forms of assaults at an early age, and many are not even aware that they are being assaulted. There is no gender difference in sexually abused children. But it is fear that discourages sexually assaulted children. They need the courage to tell someone what happened. Assaulting of a girl child by a convent school gardener at the age of five. Even as she grew up, those memories haunted her. But she studied and became a doctor, is now sharing her life experience on the Humans of Bombay Facebook page
“I was in kindergarten when I met him; a 55 year-old man, whom I called ‘Kaku’. He was a gardener at our convent. Whenever he saw me in the corridor, he’d hold my hands and pinch my cheeks. I was his ‘Gudiya’. ‘Aap yahaan ki sabse pyari gudiya ho, in phoolon ki tarah’, he’d say.
He sought any chance to spend time with me; a few chocolates was all it took. One of those days, he said, ‘Chalo apko mera room dikhata hoon. Gudiya ke liye bahut saare chocolates aur toys hain wahan.’
I remember that day vividly. He placed me on his lap and held my hands and legs tightly. He squeezed me until I couldn’t breathe. I whined and said, ‘Mat karo please.’ But he offered me more chocolates and kept going. It became routine; every time I saw him, I knew what was coming. Soon, he started laying me down on the bed and kissing me all over. He’d run his fingers on my chest and between my thighs. It went on for 10 months.
I was only 5, but it felt wrong. I was in pain; I also had a hole in my heart since birth, so the pain I felt when he squeezed me was unbearable. But I couldn’t tell anyone; he’d threaten to ‘hit me hard’ if I did.
One day, I started feeling breathless. Sister Nivi, a caretaker, saw me and asked me what happened. I just blurted out everything; that was my chance. She took me to the Dean’s office and there he was, ‘Kaku’; he couldn’t even look me in the eye. The Dean asked me what happened. I pointed my fingers at the red marks on my body, then I pointed at him. He was thrown out of the convent… that was it.
I spent a few more years at the convent, but I barely spoke to anyone after that; I kept to myself. Other kids would play together but I’d go to my room after class. I slept beside Sister Nivi for a month; she’d read me bedtime stories. Sometimes I’d wake up at night, crying and she’d put me back to sleep.
It was only after 4 months that I started going out to play. Still, not a day went by where I didn’t think about it. I left the convent when I was 11, and finally told my parents and explained that he’d threatened to hit me if I told anyone. The Dean told dad that they’d filed a police complaint against him, but no action was taken.
Up until college, I’d cry every time I thought about it. But I distracted myself as much as possible; I studied hard to become a doctor, and in my free time I journaled and painted.
I barely think about it now. If I do, I surround myself with my friends and try to not be alone. Looking back, I’m glad I spoke up. But I wish kicking him out of the convent wasn’t the only solution. I wish a predator like him wasn’t set free so easily... I wish 5 year old me knew more, I wish I could stop convincing myself that I could’ve done more. I wish 5 year old me hated chocolates and toys.”
